Chapter 6: Work life balance

For me life is work and work is life so to say according to my super critical judgmental eyes its always in balance. Now opinions do differ, and I respect and (not really) welcome other’s opinions. And that applies to both my work and my life.

It might sound super strange, but I have been working not to buy fancy brands, visit fancy destinations, or satisfying my dream but to fulfill my super hungry ego to keep achieving. My first job was at a call center in India. We had this idea made up in our head that call center jobs are easy jobs meant for young people who want to earn easy money, want to have a fake accent, call themselves by an American name and can sleep during the day and work all night. Boy oh boy! I was wrong and so wrong that I kind of embarrassed myself. Most of my colleagues were engineers. Yes, the only fact I got right was it was a batch of fairly young people. However, we did not work at night, nor did we have fake American/British names. We answered calls by our own names. Some of us shortened them as Indian names can take up the first 30 seconds of the introduction and by then you might have already confused the customer on whether he should try to address you by your name (which at that point he can’t even remember) or should he try explaining the issue he is having. I used to be part of the credit card team of a very popular bank. Oh yes and we did get trained in English speaking but not so that we can create fake accents but so that the customer could understand us. After all they were not really just calling us to do online shopping but discuss their financing options. We did get a call here and there that was odd but then again what fun if everything was according to the script in life. We had supervisors from the UK who were trying their level best to understand the Indian culture – like whether nodding the head side to side means a yes or a no? how Indian cinemas break into songs that are recorded in foreign locations for almost every occasion, and how we view the West. They had to be extremely careful before they could comment on anything religious or cultural however we were “bindaas” (bad ass – know it all attitude – like divorces are common there, its okay for everyone to smoke and drink etc).

  For me personally it was an eye-opening experience. This was my first time outside of the protective barriers that my dad and aunt had created. It was the perfect opportunity to test my limits and boundaries. To start it off I thought life is tough as I had to stay in this luxurious hotel with transport provided for by the company and all I had to worry about is what should I have for the next meal. Two weeks into the new role we were now asked to find some permanent accommodation and then came the real deal – I looked at nearly 40 apartments but criticized each. Some were not in the best of the best locations; some did not give me the good vibe. Finally, I found myself an apartment that was perfect. It was an apartment by itself on the floor of that building, had a supermarket downstairs and had a fifteen-minute commute to my office. Friends were all nearby, and food was absolutely great – my struggle was real “what can I say?” My work life was in perfect balance.

My next job was straight out of college in UK. It was my first real corporate job. Unlike my first job I was the only newcomer at the job and my colleagues there had been in their role for a solid 5-10 years. While I was a new graduate in my head eager to learn, I was viewed as a newcomer that could easily be blamed for anything going wrong by one of my mentors. I had a very rough start as I was not very used to office politics and was not aware that not just what you do but who you know (i.e., How high up in the organization you knew your bosses) gets you recognition and promotion. In my head I knew I just had to stick it out, its my career and I was not ready to quit because someone else felt it was convenient to do so. There were weekends when I was at work trying to learn excel modelling, creating workbooks that would help me add value and please my ego. I did have a great support from home specially as it was just across the road. However, no matter how much I look down on this part of my life – it helped us buy our first home, it taught me life-lessons that I did not welcome at all at that time but value more than anything today. Above all it taught me how self-respect is the most important thing. So, this work totally balanced my life.

This jump start to my career led me to the next 3 companies in which I grew as a person, employee and above all as a mother. We moved countries but unlike driving on the other side, gas and diesel interchanging their colors at the gas stations, “z” taking the place of “s” – office politics remained the same. To add there were so many new things that was introduced in the corporate affair – like Diversity and Inclusion, Remote working, and flexible hours. However, in my strong opinion unless your superiors liked you and that could be because of a variety of reasons – your work, how you conduct yourself, how far are you ready to accept responsibilities (extra projects on weekends, flexibility to travel at a few hours’ notice etc.) – you could totally kiss goodbye to going up the career ladder. I realized if I work hard and dedicate my life to the company I can go up and so I did. However, once I became responsible for another human being (calling me “mom”) I realized that the ladder I want to climb is that of happiness and I can only go up if I could get a perfect work life balance.

The word “perfect” was still the main driver. I was prepared with the day care of my choice before I gave birth. I knew how I wanted to phase myself back into work however I did not know I was going to move to another country, to an unknown nation within a year of meeting my little one. All the plans flew out of the window, and I wished Superman could bring them back. With the incomparable speed of Flash, I was losing control of my life. I was given a week to find a new day care in a new city before I joined back work. My commute to work went from 15 mins to 45 mins and I would be now almost an hour away from my one-year-old. I will not lie it was hard, very hard to start with but soon I realized I was super-efficient, the rate at which I was working, taking care of my baby and completing my MBA – all my life if I would have balanced everything like this, I would definitely been able to do two full time jobs simultaneously. A journey that started with a lot of frustration and desperation was slowly turning into a way of life. Though I did not know a soul in this new place except my son and husband, I started making acquaintances, they helped me navigate the US tax system, rank the American fast-food shops, select the doctor’s office, and above all get our first “Costco” card. Through my son I connected with the other Mothers in the same boat, and they welcomed me with open arms. When my son started a year later in a private school my group of angels grew even further. I did not have to hold off on any more going to wash room if I was running late, I knew friends who can just look out for extra 5 minutes. I knew these friends would even pick him up and take him home and feed him like their own if I get stuck in horrendous Bay Area traffic. I knew these angels were always looking out for us.

As a step up when I was going to take on a new challenge and which meant I will be 2/3hours away from my little one – it was time to meet our new angel. She was beautiful, drove a beamer, super smart, very courteous and a real estate agent. I had rejected almost all the nannies that I had met till I met her. She was amazing and my son immediately connected with her. She just wanted to help, and I was glad we met. We made friends for life. I cannot imagine my son without her. She was there at 3am when I had to travel for work, and she was there at 9pm when I was stuck at work. She was even there at midnight – before my son’s birthday so that all the décor looked perfect, and she could surprise him. This angel was selfless and so caring that she soon became family for us that helped me balance my work and life perfectly.

I cannot write a chapter on balancing my work and life without writing about my life, my son. Yes, we pampered him, yes, we showered him with love and toys and yes, we scolded him and taught him how not to repeat mistakes – he taught me the biggest lesson of my life. He taught me love is unconditional from the very first time I saw him. No matter if I was picking him up late from the day care or missed taking him to the park as I was stuck in a conference call, everytime I was there he would run up to me with a smile. Every time till this day if I am worried or stressed he would come and hug me and ask me “Are you okay Mamma? I know everything will be alright”. I don’t know if I was a holy sage, or I was a missionary in my last life that God gifted me such an angel. While nothing is perfect, he is and he makes my work and life balance out perfectly.