Chapter 10: Perfect mix of emotions, desires and energy
After a long time, I decided to write again. Or should I say in between life and work I found the much desired “me-time” today. Friends – who are they? How did you all make friends? Did you connect instantly? Was it over common hobbies? Or was it an odd encounter or was it romantic? Let me take you through my journey of making friends. Strict warning before you read on – I only have a few.
I was quite an introvert in my school days – my main goal was to get into a good college so that I can take over all the attention of the family from all my other high-flying cousins. I did always have an issue with getting too attached to whoever I sat next to at school for the year so every year without fail on the last day of the school year I would be super sad, teary-eyed and throwing a ruckus that I now needed to find a new partner to sit beside. The major issue was that the school was teaching us to be social and so that we don’t form too strong of bonds with specific group of boys/girls they would rotate the students into different sections (each grade was divided into 4 sections – basically 4 different classrooms) every school year. Among all this heart break and stress of finding a new person to sit with I found a girl who I claimed as my best friend for 3 years of my school life. She was super elite – she was the teacher’s favorite as she could do no wrong, she was super intelligent and aced all exams, she was a great athlete and raced everyone out off the tracks, she was a great singer, and her melodies got her a front stage at the choir, and she had the biggest fan following among the boys. To be honest I just looked like a loser in front of her, however I could give a damn about it. What connected us was our silly laughs, our endless gossips (which I initiated mostly), our similar parent-story, and our perfect-balance as we were so different as individuals. I don’t really understand why I always called her my best friend, but I think a part of me felt at ease talking to her about anything and everything and because she was like a sounding board for me, I could often run my wild ideas by her. We grew apart as we navigated through the higher grades, and though we landed up even in the same college our silly laughs were replaced at that point were overshadowed with our desires from life – a career, a boyfriend, travel etc. Now I just know where she lives and often hear she is doing well but have no contacts with her.
My second attempt at finding my best friend was much easier. I was having a rough first year at college and I was just trying to put myself out there (expression standing for forcing myself) to look social and cool to my super-cool college classmates. I met this boy with whom I wanted to chat for hours. I have always like talking (as you can see). However, this was different. He was not my friend from school, college or family acquaintance but he seemed more familiar than all. I was comfortable sharing my career goals, my dreams about a perfect Bollywood life, and eventually secrets that I had buried deep inside me for years. I started feeling so close to him that I started emphasizing the negatives in me, so that he understands who I am. Talking to him became my habit, days were difficult when he was travelling for work or if he had prior commitments and we could not talk. Unfortunately, he worked in a completely different city so physically we could meet only once a quarter and when he left, it seemed to have left a hole in my life. As days became years, we decided we are a habit for each other that we cannot live without. We got married. Looking back at it now, those were one of the best years of my life. The anticipation of waiting for him to come at the end of the quarters, the heartbreak when he left, the small tokens and cuteness of celebrating Valentine’s Day, Birthdays, New Years’ etc. Sending each other gifts, emails, fighting and getting jealous on weird occasions – everything about that time was sweet. The husband is the second time ever in life I have called anyone my best friend.
My third attempt – this was in UK. I was homesick – which in my words are – I missed everyone who would cook different dishes for me, listen to my nonsense self-created gossips for hours, help clean up, manage my finances, go shopping with me and be by my side day in and out. I had started college, but that life was very different from that in India and I was still trying to come first in my class to get the full attention of everyone I ever knew. For the first time in my student life, I belonged to a group of cool students – a German, a Swiss/Australian, a Nigerian and two Icelandic ladies. We connected based on our focus towards academics and career to start with and then over her upside-down pineapple cakes. She is one of the best bakers I have ever known and the greatest listener I have ever met. She has been part of my life since then. It was easy to talk to her, it was natural to let the guard on my emotions down in front of her. I enjoyed English festivities with her, cried over silly stuff by her side, got her used to Indian rituals/festivities etc.
I don’t know what the definition of friendship really is – looking around and seeing my son go through the different stages of life I am more troubled. Looks like the definition of friendship is even more lose today. It’s all about social media likes, the more you are liked there the more “friends” you will end up with. The likes on the other hand does not have anything to do with your hard work, achievement, passion, character etc. They are more likely than not are related to how well you advertise yourself and how controversial they are.